My Waiting Process: Pages from the Diary of a Girl Who Doesn`t Love Her Work
It`s another day in the life of a girl who like you, is fighting to survive. She is stuck in a cycle of work she would rather not do but can’t avoid because her desire to survive is stronger than her desire to pursue her passions.
Before I go ahead and tell you all about her trials, I wanted to ask, Have you ever been stuck in a phase you know isn’t for you? Stuck doing a job you are good at but doesn’t set your heart on fire? Are you like me also waiting for a sign or a spark that points you toward your purpose ad calling? if your answer is yes, then this is our article.
Let’s get into it.
Pages from the Diary of a Girl Who Doesn`t Love Her Work
Abraham was really a man after God’s own heart because where else could he have found the strength to wait on the promise as he did? How does one even wait patiently on God because I am getting a bit tired.
In case you don`t know the story of Abraham, he was a sweet man that the bible credits as the father to many nations and waited on the promise of God for a long time. God promised him a son when he was age 75 and received the fulfillment of that promise when he was 100yrs old. Omo! that’s 25yrs of waiting.
Now you see why I said, Abraham really tried because what is this waiting (insert crying emoji)? Like waiting for something you don`t know and can’t pinpoint but you feel it in your bones that things should be different. To make it worse, you don’t wanna be in this situation anymore.
Is this what it means to stand in faith and trust God?
I`ll stop here for now, I need to close my medium page and force myself to the work, because beyond all this talk of passion is a paycheck and money to be made.
Truthfully, I am getting tired of anxiously waiting… Do you know that feeling of just sitting, hoping, wishing, and anticipating something to just work out?
You know that moment it dawns on you that this isn’t for me, that moment you find yourself struggling to work on the job, and waking up to work singlehandedly becomes the most difficult chore you`ve ever done. All you can think of as you lie awake trying to will yourself to prepare for work is a thousand other things you could be doing at that moment but like a cold shower, reality hits and you get up and go to work.
Oh, God! The worst days have to be the days where you have deliverables and you just don’t have the strength to deliver. You keep on searching and searching for strength screaming within your soul, Strength, where art thou? and you remember all the applications you`ve submitted and the urge to just call the recruiters sets in, but you wait, wishing once again that something changes.
It is well…
My dearest innermost thoughts,
Today I feel so uninterested in the things around me, so focused on calculating and trying to figure out when I will leave this phase.
Do you know that feeling of hoping for something and it feels like all hope crumbled right in front of you?
I`ve asked myself a thousand times, till when…
Reflecting and mourning every opportunity lost, every opportunity that slipped through my fingers, the opportunities I thought would be my big break but weren’t.
Plugs her earpod and listens to Sufficient For Today by Maverick City…
Reading through my thoughts and one thing jumps at you from a mile away, I am not happy and that makes this article the most distorted write-up I’ve ever written. Why? Perhaps because it is so genuine and heartfelt while also exposing my deepest fears and vulnerabilities.
While writing this article, I was forced to feel a whole lot of emotions at the same time and I needed to a break. I decided to scroll through WhatsApp and came across a very timely post. The post talked about Joseph in the bible. Chill, keep reading. That man that became the National Prime Minister, lol. While he was in prison, he put his hope on a butler who he helped interpret a divine dream.
In fact, before we go ahead, I just realized Joseph had a waiting process too, His process even landed him in prison for what he didn’t do, omo! Well, I received his strength and perseverance and that was God’s comfort to me at that moment. It`s all going to work out, just like Abraham, Joseph and others.
Back to my Article…
I know the situation may seem bleak right now, as you have seen, I have lived it too so I am quite familiar with that feeling of “it’s getting late” but remember that God is not limited by time, space and circumstance. When he shows up, he does with a Bang!, Joseph later became a Prime Minister, Abraham really had his son, Esther, my girl! became a queen, the Queen that saved her people and even Lazarus that had died for 4days, rose again! These are people that must have heard the “its too late” mantra just like us and as I draw my strength from them during my waiting period, I implore you to do the same and trust that God will work it out.
It will happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I genuinely wish us all well as we search for and discover our place in this world and gain the confidence to be US.
I can`t just share all these feelings without also sharing how I’ve been able to cope… Because we have to do something while waiting right?.
So here are some of the things that have engaged and strengthen me during this period:
● Keep on learning: Truthfully during this period, learning is the last thing on your mind. But I tell myself — Abisola, when you finally leave this phase or get an opportunity to leave this phase, don`t you want to leave with a banger? Don`t you want to look back and say ‘Thank God I didn’t waste my time lamenting on what I wanted but instead developed myself to give myself a better chance.
● Having the Sweetest, Supportive People around: Having people around me that actually care, ready to listen to me rant, and encourage me when I feel a bit down has always helped. It`s always nice to know that you are not alone or someone somewhere has passed a particular stage you`ve been. I guess that`s why I`m sharing with you now… You are not alone, this too shall pass.
● Crying enough to bounce back: When issues of life come, cry if need be, be sad if you have to but ensure you bounce back as quickly as you can. Don’t give yourself time to pity or compare yourself.
● Finally, I will say get closer to God: You need all the strength and assurance you can get, and who better to supply it than God himself?
This is another write-up of me sharing, and if you didn`t pick anything from this write up you should know this;
You are not alone! Even if it seems like you are not where you are meant to be! You are not alone and you are also not where you used to be; we are traveling together, navigating, exploring, and attempting to arrive at the location where we belong. We are gonna get there, we are gonna be alright!
After reading and editing the article, Abisoye, my buddy, my girl, and editor said — Abisola, I now see why you said this is personal, release it, you don’t know who you are about to inspire and bless, then she shared the song “God will work it out” by Maverick City… I genuinely hope you are blessed :)
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